1. 1 month ago 

   Today

   Today is the 1st of April. I have been awake for approximately 14hrs. I am sick and tired and very very sad. I feel fat and disgusting and like I’ll never make anything of my life. I feel worthless and horrid. I am in debt and in need of money I have no way to acquire. I am not having a good day.

   I want to see a therapist, but can’t for a while. I don’t know if I see her next week or not. I might. The 20th is the first appointment I can actually remember… But there’s another one before then. I just don’t know when. I want to sit down and tell someone what my life is like and feel okay crying. I want to be able to cry around a therapist. I want to finally not care what a therapist thinks of me. I cared last time, and so I didn’t talk. I don’t want to do that anymore. I’m going to try to just spill everything, and if I cry, then I cry. 
   
   I’m just so tired of feeling so miserable. 

2. 1 month ago 

   I miss you

   I said “I miss you” out loud today and I think I was talking about myself. No one singular person was on my mind at the time, and when I said it I took a moment to thing. Was I speaking to myself? My former self? 

   It may very well be that I was. I do miss the person I used to be. Once I was a happy person who made friends with the world and feared nothing. Once I was daring and brave. I cared little for the thoughts of other people, and took pride in my own mind.

   I look at myself now and wonder what happened to that person I used to be. How did I become this sad, self loathing individual? How did I become so frightened of everyone and everything? Why do I hide myself to make others happy? And how do I break free?

3. 4 months ago 

   Hei folks

   So it’s been 3weeks since I’ve posted anything. Bad Krissy, bad.

   Anywho, I’m sick again. Hur dur. Anyone surprised? 

   Second round of antibiotics are fussing around in my system right now. Today was day 3. Seems like they’re maybe working. *crosses fingers*

   Ankles are weak as hell. Did someone sneak in and make them worse while I wasn’t looking? I think they did. :/ I’ve gotta break in some shoes over the next 10 days and my ankles are just like “Oooooh, did you actually want to remain upright? Oops. My bad.” -_-

   Not to mention this weird ass pain I’ve got in the side of my right foot. Arthritis? Muscle strain? Idfk. Stupid body is being stupid. But whatever.

   Also, Raynaud’s is just the best thing ever. My fingers are fucking FREEZING anymore. Can’t type for longer than maybe 20-30min before my hands say “Nope. Gimme gloves or I’ll lock up in funky claw shapes.” -_-

   Just trying to get stuff done when I can get out of bed and lose weight in the process.

   I’m at 150.0 right now. So better than it could be, but worse than I wanted. Fighting off the urge to starve. Reminding myself there’s a beautiful girl who might need me one of these days. And if she does, I can’t be an unhealthy, unstable, person when that time comes.

   This has been a Monday update. They will hopefully be regularly posted from here on out.

4. Notes: 69 / 5 months ago  from chronicillnesscat
   
    
5. Notes: 217 / 5 months ago  from chronicillnesscat
   
    
6. Notes: 246 / 5 months ago  from chronicillnesscat
   

   chronicillnesscat:

   Emphasis on years. :|

   I was diagnosed when I was nine… I’m now 22. Yeah, MAJOR emphasis on years.

    
7. Notes: 89 / 5 months ago  from chronicillnesscat
   

   chronicillnesscat:

   [Image: 6-piece blue colored background with a Siamese cat with blue eyes. Text reads: “Go to hospital. Doctors take their interns to see you.”]

   I have some major digestive issues and have had multiple open surgeries on my abdomen, and dr’s seem to think it is ~so fascinating ~ to show their interns the girl with “alien like” insides

   Oh heavens yes. Every time I see my eye specialist, this happens. Because it’s so fascinating to gawk at the kid with the dead eye that’s collapsing and causing excruciating pain all the time. Yes, I am one of the resident guinea pigs for the Moran Eye Center. Gotta love it. :/

    
8. Notes: 23 / 5 months ago  from those-ra-moments
   

   (Source: those-ra-moments)

    
9. Notes: 14 / 5 months ago  from those-ra-moments
   

   those-ra-moments:

   Submitted by: liebeliebes

   Yep, including my eyes. I’m a special little RA child. >.>

    
10. Notes: 12 / 5 months ago  from those-ra-moments
    

    (Source: those-ra-moments)

     

Hi there. My name is Kris. You can call me Kris or Krissy. This is my side blog for talking about my health issues. As well as sharing my thoughts on various things.

I'll say right here and now that this blog needs an all around TRIGGER WARNING. I have really strong and sometimes very unkind opinions about things. But I'd hate for an individual to stumble on things and be hurt by my opinions. Kind of a contradiction, I know, but I don't want to hurt people, even if I don't like/agree with what they do in their lives.

I live in the LDS capital of the world. I am far from normal and don't really want to fit in with the crowd. I have issues just like everyone else, and I'm not really the stable rock people think I am.

I'm a Finnish metalhead at heart. But my music tastes range anywhere from Miley Cyrus to Kotiteollisuus from Nightwish to Kenny Chesney and from Falling in Reverse to scores from films and musicals. I just like music. :)

Follow if you feel the need, but know that it's not going to be all bubbles and sunshine. Love to all of you! <3

Tumblr